He Loves You Not

Daisy de la Hoya has a reality show on VH1. In the event that you think you're too cool for trashy television, you may not know who she is. That's confusing to me in all honesty, because these shows really add a lot to my life. Mostly by making me feel good about myself since I'm not a trashy chick with only plastic features and no real personality. Chelsea Handler has done a great job of putting together an intro for you. Feel free to watch.



Here's my unlicensed advice...

Dear Daisy,
Your face and your life are both giant shit shows. Take a hint from your VH1 co-star, Steve Ward, and put your junk away when trying to attract a man. If you walk around with your naughty bits hanging out all over the place, you're going to be a magnet for hard-ons. And only ones that are attached to idiots, which is why you have a house full of hammered, inarticulate, somewhat illiterate, eye-liner wearing dudes.

I'm sure that someone before me has reminded you that it's not appropriate to leave your house in lingerie. You wanna spice up the bedroom? Fab. I'm not even mad and have, in fact, been known to dress for success in the bedroom if you know what I mean. But grocery shopping in such attire is not tasteful or appropriate. I'm going to send you some shirts which I'd suggest not cutting up, tying in strange ways, or wearing as dresses. Cover yourself up, woman.

Also, please stop singing.

xoxo (but air kisses because I'm afraid to touch your lips),
Miss K