i haz confusing

So, when I heard that Sandra Bullock, America's girl-next-door sweetheart, was marrying Jesse James, I was skeptical. You probably think it's a crock of shit, what with him banging that other chick being all over the news and all, but I'm serious. While an unlikely love story of opposites attracting has its appeal, I couldn't get over the fact that he was so cool and she was so lame. With the obvious exception of her character in The Net, and maybe Speed, she plays annoyingly weak and uncomfortably un-funny women. And he has all that hot, hot ink and builds bikes that make me want to enter a lifestyle defined by poor choices.

For the sake of this discussion, let's ignore the fact that Jesse's mistress may or may not be a Nazi.

I'd do her. Hell, I kind of want to be her. It'd be awesome to be a person who could so recklessly abandon social graces and cover herself in absurd tattoos because she felt like it. Plus, her figure's not half bad. I mean, if you're into curves and stuff.

Looking at the pictures of her all over my Google Reader has convinced me that it's time to start that mural on my back that I've been pining over for the last few years.

Gross, upsetting, or brilliant?