Dear Abby: I married the love of my life, "Simon," a year ago. At the time, I was five months pregnant. While Simon and I stood taking our vows at the altar, his mother, "Bernice," felt the need to stand up and announce that the only reason we were being married was because I was pregnant -- and that I'd done it on purpose to tie him down. I was devastated hearing this at my wedding, and I let Simon know it. I tried to forgive her.
A few months later, Bernice arrived at the hospital as I was giving birth. Again, she started in on how I got pregnant on purpose to tie her son down and began telling everyone in my family how horrible I was. Again, I tried to forgive her.The final straw came when plans were being made to celebrate Simon's college graduation. Bernice made dinner reservations for everyone in the family and excluded my son and me. I told Simon how hurt I was. His response was, "I can't control my mother."
Abby, I was so fed up with having to swallow her abuse with no support from my husband that I kicked him out. I desperately wish he would confront his mother about her abusive behavior, but he's scared of her. I have tried talking to her about it, but when I do she just gets worse. I want to save my marriage, but I don't want Bernice around me or my son anymore. What should I do?
Had Enough in Grapevine, Texas
Abby had a bunch of crap about it being Simon’s job to take responsibility for his role in the conception of a child, then stand up to his mother, and some other nonsense. Here’s my unlicensed advice:
1) Don’t get married because you’re knocked up. I know it’s tempting to avoid having a bastard child and all, but a shotgun wedding isn’t going to change the fact that everyone knows you and this guy (or some guy) are bumpin’ uglies. Take some time, figure out if you’re right for each other.
2) Don’t date guys with no chutzpa. I mean really, if you had never started dating this half-assed excuse for a man, you wouldn’t be in this situation. Raising your dating standards a bit would have made this whole thing moot. I know parents can be difficult people to stand up to, but the bottom line is that in marrying you, he was picking you over his mother, and he should behave as such. Especially when she’s a horrid bitch.
3) Is your life a soap opera? Just checking.
4) Be honest, Bernice is ugly, isn't she? Come on, I won't tell her that you told me. But I'm willing to bet money she's one of those crabby women who, at one point in her life, was almost pretty. And here you are with your fountain of youth looks rubbing her expiring uterus in her face. Nothing you can really do about that. But I'd be willing to bet that everyone around you sees this whole thing for what it is: A woman's desperate and creepy attempt to keep her claws in her spineless son.
5) But here's the kicker, part of me suspects you did marry her son to tie him down. Because you're afraid of raising a baby by yourself. And that same part of me is willing to bet that this is your main concern about saving your marriage. So while you're waiting on Simon to take responsibility for himself, how about you do the same for you. What are your priorities? Do you really want to save your marriage or do you just want to save yourself from sleepless nights and diaper changings?
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