I got your Tweet

I'm skeptical of the Internets. Mostly because I think there's good reason to be, but I joined Twitter anyway because people told me that it was cool and, at the end of the day, it's important to try to be cool. But there's some shit that I just don't understand. Trending number one right now is #ihavetoadmit. And people are putting up some pretty odd stuff. I've got some unlicensed advice for a few of them:

Schneider90L writes: #Ihavetoadmit i stumble on watchin gay porn by accident, but immediately searched pussy to bless my eyes again
Suuuuuuuure you "accidentally" do. A simple scan of your page shows a whole lot of mentions of how much you like lady parts. I think that the gentleman doth protest a little too hard...

benbreakstone wirtes: #ihavetoadmit twitter tends to get stupider each day.
"Stupider"? How about "more stupid"? And if it's such an unintelligent place, why are you still reading? Is it because you like to post pithy things that make you feel like you're better than everyone else? It's a jackass move, even if it's true.

dfantasy writes: #ihavetoadmit I don't know who Chuck Norris is
How is this even possible? Google it; you're on Twitter, you should know how to use the Internet to find random, nonsensical facts about one of our generations most notorious and untalented actors.

Jj_1 writes: #ihavetoadmit that i got caught in the airport toilets wit my ex....It was great! Lol
First, I'm not even mad. I know sometimes the urge hits at times when one isn't in close proximity to a more private space. And I've heard plenty of people have a thing for getting down in places where they could get caught. But this your fetish need to extend to talking about it on a public forum? I mean, what if your mom starts following you...

Obviously, I use Twitter. And clearly, I put words online as well. My unsolicited advice is to keep your personal business personal, your angst inside, and your shocking tales of sexual exploit (which I didn't include here because it turned my stomach a little) between you and those with whom you climb into bed. Or bathroom stall.