I can't stand "Dear Abby"

I mean this one.

My favorite part of her column is the god-awful photo that peers out at me from the left of the screen. She's...stunning.

Beyond that, she gives advice with absoltuely no personality. You're worried your girlfriend is still into that chick she hooked up with in college? Just ask her if she has feelings and trust her. Aaaand that's it. With a headline like "Bisexual Past Overshadows Couple's Close Relationship," I was really expecting a couple of good, racey jokes.

I'm pretty scared to some day be that writer—if I can even call myself by that word.