Chin up, Mindy

Dear Mindy,

Let me tell you, I was angry when Bret chose Taya over you. For what it's worth, all of the Interwebz shared my disgust.

I had this whole post composed in my head giving her advice on getting over him. It included things like, "I'm sure there are long-haired, eye-liner wearing, middle-aged men oogling your naked body every day thanks to Penthouse." But then, Bret Michaels did the inexplicable and picked a vapid, angry stripper over you. So here's what I have to say to you in the form of unlicensed advice.

As a fellow Midwestern girl, I can tell you that nothing good comes when we push ourselves beyond our geographical roots. Egos abound on the coasts, and men with big heads look for a totally different kind of thing in a chick; they want the girl that will be most envied, because that's what feeds the arrogance. Turns out, when all of a guy's buddies have seen a chick naked, they get exceedingly jealous of the fact that you're nailing her. They've been fantasising and doing unmentionable things when admiring her uncovered naughty bits for a long time, and would love to get up in the things they've seen spread eagle on the glossy pages of men's magazines. Google it, you could do the same.

Just sayin'.

Keep on being down to earth and sensible, Mindy. You should freak out when a grown man with inexplicably gross braids asks you to put on a Mardi Gras costume for no good reason. That's not a "funk," it's just good sense. About to go on national TV singing and you know you're not a good singer? Good Lord, you better be a bit anxious. Overall, keep on calling a spade a spade and steer clear of rockers and Penthouse pets.

In short, just stuff your face with buckeyes and keep it a little more local with the dating.

P.S. Can't wait for the reunion!