Get off, Bret

Dear Bret,

Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of your show. Actually, as we speak, I'm watching the reunion episode of Rock of Love Bus Tour which is delightfully trashy. And apparently "real." All of the ladies keep mentioning how real they are—particularly ironic in a crowd of breast-implanted, bleached-blond, stripper-heeled broads. Of the "real" variety.

Anyhow, something's been bothering me. In the opening song, you say that you want to "get [me] off like there's no one else." I've going to venture to say that, were there to literally be no one else, getting me off would be a bit unremarkable.

Getting me off better than anyone else, on the other hand, would be pretty cool. Maybe you should re-think those lyrics.

I have to go, the ad for Daisy of Love just inspired me to write another rant.

Keep it classy, Bret.

xoxo
Miss K

P.S. You seem to be looking like Jack Sparrow. I'm worried.